


My Number Is No

by alexenange



Series: My Number Is No [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Kozume Kenma, Multi, Nonbinary Yamaguchi Tadashi, ace yams/kenma/yacchan, and a child, and raise one child, like .3 seconds of a sex mention, lmao rip her, potty mouth, they all live together in a bigass house, they also have like 19 cats at 3+ dogs and at least one snake, they're genderfluid, tsukki and yams have a qp, who has like four dads two parents and one mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-11 21:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10475286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexenange/pseuds/alexenange
Summary: Asshole: I can practically hear you screamingTetsubro: ... thats bc he is screamingtol asshole: oh my god I can hear you and I’m outsidetol asshole: what the fuck shut up you’ll scare yuzukibrokuto koutabro: oh shit sry babetol asshole: yams just got her to nap I s2g if u wake her upAsshole: this is why the groupchat was a bad idea





	

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't covered yet because I'm gonna write a backstory fic in normal writing and that takes a lot longer but kuroo, akaashi, bo, and tsukki are all dating, then yams (who's genderfluid), kenma (agender), and yacchan are dating, and the seven all live together in a bigass house. Tsukki and Yams had a kid when they dated (they dated forever then realized they were better off queer platonic) and now the seven raise that kid (Yuzuki) together. Hope that clears things up, there will be a fic in the not too distant future covering that.  
> \---  
> asshole is akaashi  
> tetsubro is kuroo  
> brokuto koutabro is bokuto  
> tol asshole is tsukki  
> yam is yams  
> bam is kenma  
> thank u ma'am is yacchan

Tetsubro: now that akaashi isn’t an old man anymore and has a smart phone

Tetsubro: !!!!GGROOUPP CHAT!!!!!!

Asshole: did you break my phone just so I would get a smart phone and you could do this

Tetsubro: NO

Tetsubro: bo did lmao

brokuto koutabro: BABE WHY

Tetsubro: SORRY BABE I LOVE U

Asshole: bokuto

brokuto koutabro: OH NO I GTG GTG GTG GT G

tol asshole: why tho keijis not even mad

Asshole: I’m not?

tol asshole: no, you’re not, because now we can easily talk to each other all at once

Tetsubro: EXACTLY

tol asshole: also that phone sucked

Asshole: I am betrayed

Asshole: but you’re not wrong that phone sucked

brokuto koutabro: why didn’t u get  a new one before then

Asshole: it was a nokia bokuto

Asshole: how did you even break it

Tetsubro: t h i g h s

tol asshole: ...

tol asshole: ...... did he rly use his thighs

brokuto koutabro: YEA

brokuto koutabro: I MENA I CAN CRUSH A WATERMELLON W THEM WHY NOT A NOKI

brokuto koutabro: A

Asshole: oh my god

tol asshole: oh my god ??

Tetsubro: y’all should’ve seen it it was fuckin hot

brokuto koutabro: THANKS BABE

Tetsubro: like damn can that be my skull thx

Tetsubro: we banged after he broke ur phone

Asshole: honestly can’t blame you

tol asshole: I can

brokuto koutabro: R00D TSUKKI HAVE U SEEN MY THIGHS

brokuto koutabro: BABE MY THIGHS R GR9 DON’T JUDGEE

tol asshole: I have seen your thighs

tol asshole: I can still judge

Tetsubro: but can u not also rel8

tol asshole: .... no comment

Tetsubro: AAAAAAYYYYYYYY YOU WOWOOYUUULLDD CONFIRMMED

Asshole: calm your capslock please

brokuto koutabro: BUT AKAAAAASSSSSHAHHHIIIIIII

Asshole: I can practically hear you screaming

Tetsubro: ... thats bc he is screaming

tol asshole: oh my god I can hear you and I’m outside

tol asshole: what the fuck shut up you’ll scare yuzuki

brokuto koutabro: oh shit sry babe

tol asshole: yams just got her to nap I s2g if u wake her up

Asshole: this is why the groupchat was a bad idea

\---

Yam: Tsukki

Yam: Do I hear

Yam: Screaming?

tol asshole: oh my god I swear that’s bo it’s not my fault

tol asshole: I told him to shut up

Yam: I’m checking on Yuzuki right now :)

tol asshole: oh god

\---

tol asshole: bo ur dead

Tetsubro: lmao rip

brokuto koutabro: FUFUCK

\---

Yam: She’s still asleep

Yam: Tell Bokuto he’s safe

Yam: For now :)

tol asshole: oh jesus shit thank god she’s asleep

tol asshole: I will

\---

tol asshole: yams was like two seconds from killing u but false alarm I guess

brokuto koutabro: oh my god

brokuto koutabro: i saw my life flash before my eyes

brokuto koutabro: it was p gay

Tetsubro: wait tsukki

Tetsubro: we should make a gc w yams in it too

tol asshole: nO

Asshole: actually, I agree

Asshole: but make one with everyone who lives in this house

Asshole: minus yuzuki, of course, she’s ten

Tetsubro: ye like we can all talk to each other there too

Tetsubro: abt like bills n plumbing n shit

tol asshole: u realize no ones gonna talk about that right

brokuto koutabro: YEAH BUT ITLL BE FUN

Asshole: what did I say about capslock, bokuto?

brokuto koutabro: shit sry babe

Tetsubro: too l8 I’m doing it

tol asshole: oh god

\---

thank u ma'am: what is this

Tetsubro: HOUSEHOLD GROUPCHAT

Bam: no

Tetsubro: kennnnmmaaaaa

Bam: extra no

Tetsubro: u wound me

Bam: fuck off

tol asshole: savage

brokuto koutabro: LLMAO RIP U BABE OMMGGG

Tetsubro: babe y r u this way

Asshole: he’s bokuto what did you expect

brokuto koutabro: AAKAAAASHHIIIIIIII?????

tol asshole: I told you this was a bad idea

Yam: What even is this?

thank u ma'am: yams!!

Yam: Hitoka!! Kenma!!!

brokuto koutabro: stfu ur too cute stop that

Asshole: wait do you three have matching names?

Yam: I have no idea

Bam: what you’re

thank u ma'am: talking about.

Asshole: oh my god

brokuto koutabro: BABES WE SHOULD DO THAT

Tetsubro: OHHH MMYY GOOOODODDDD YESS

tol asshole: no

Asshole: no

brokuto koutabro: BUT WHY NOT ITSS SOO CUUUTE

thank u ma'am: thanks?

Bam: don’t encourage them.

Tetsubro: KENMA U WOUND ME

Bam: good.

Asshole: tetsu, stop wailing

Yam: Bitch I will fucking end you if you wake my daughter up :)

brokuto koutabro: LMAO THAT SHUT HIM UP

brokuto koutabro: YAMS I DIDN’T KNOW U HAD IT IN U

tol asshole: shouldn’t u know by now

thank u ma'am: they can be very intimidating

Bam: esp. w/ their piercings n tattoos aesthetic

thank u ma'am: soft but can fuck u up biker aesthetic

Yam: Aw, thank you <3

tol asshole: yams could end u bo

brokuto koutabro: I am

brokuto koutabro: Afraid

Asshole: oh my god, you got him to use capitalization, what a wonderful day, thank you yams

Tetsubro: truly a blessing on this cruel earth

tol asshole: remarkable, once in a lifetime, this will never be seen again

brokuto koutabro: why u ganging up on me like this tho

Yams: Screenshotted.

Bam: saved

thank u ma'am: framed and hung on the wall

brokuto koutabro: oh my gOD

brokuto koutabro: TETSU I TAKE IT BACK THIS WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA

Tetsubro: lmao too late now

brokuto koutabro: FFUUUCCK

thank u ma'am: language!!!!

brokuto koutabro: frick?

thank u ma'am: better

Tetsubro: lmao yacchan takin u down

Asshole: I didn’t know you had it in you yachi, that’s quite impressive

Yam: She’s blushing a ton now

Bam: Cute

Yam: I know right I love her.

thank u ma'am: !!!!!!!!!!!! aaaahhh

tol asshole: keiji u broke her

Asshole: my apologies yachi

thank u ma'am: no no no !!!! it’s ok I just wasn’t expecting it????

Asshole: what can I say, you did handle bokuto very well

brokuto koutabro: I’M STILL HERE??

Tetsubro: so u know how cool it is that yacchan handled u

brokuto koutabro: ok tru i guess

Bam: ha

\---

Tetsubro: I just looked out the window to see tsukki wipe his forehead w his shirt I am Alive

tol asshole: ....

tol asshole: help me move the camellias and you can fuck me later

Tetsubro: LMAO BYE GOTTA GO PLANT SOME FLOWERS

Asshole: incredible

brokuto koutabro: I WAN T TO HELP TOOOO ;-;

tol asshole: ....

tol asshole: there are enough camellias for everyone

Asshole: me too?

tol asshole: especially you

Asshole: omw

brokuto koutabro: MEE TOOOO

\---

Bam: why did I just hear a stampede

thank u ma'am: ??? what happened

Bam: oh nvm they’re all in the garden now

Yam: I think tsukki offered something for help

Bam: yeah seems logical

thank u ma'am: like what???

thank u ma'am: o h

thank u ma'am: NEVER MIND

Yam: You’re so cute come hug me

thank u ma'am: ok

Bam: cuddle pile?

Yam: Yes

Bam: I am here

thank u ma'am: !!!!!!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> pls love me I feed off the aproval of others k thanks bye
> 
> If y'all know hamilton go read 1-800-did-I-ask that series seriously influenced this bc like I wanted to make a chatfic of something and wanted to put my headcanons in smt but 1-800 made me realize I should combine the two so yeah go check that out it's gay and adorable I love it thanks


End file.
